She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
