worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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