It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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