somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
