Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
