Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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