Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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