I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
