I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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