If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
