my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
