I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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