did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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