It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
