this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
