the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
