I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
