It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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