C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
