You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i drank out of a bidet.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
