My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
