Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
