My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
