you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
