I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
