I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
