i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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