All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
