No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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