I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
