Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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