I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm really busy with my period
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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