I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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