if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize