i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
