I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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