fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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