She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
