Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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