My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
