Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
