Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
