I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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