hotel room ftw
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
