I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
