There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
