The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
