so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i dont even know how to be here
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
