I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
