If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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