...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
