First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
