are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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