why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
