Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
