So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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