New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
