Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
