Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
