i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
